This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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