he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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