You're my little dorito
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I need to stop coming to work sober
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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