He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
