dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
