You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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