Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
