I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
