I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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