Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
