Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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