theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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