Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
