I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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