Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As shirtless as possible
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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