I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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