He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
