Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
