is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
