A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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