Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
