Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
