The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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