Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
