We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
