I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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