And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
