so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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