You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
