I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
