stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
