woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
