She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
