her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
