just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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