I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
