Sry I called you an 8
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
