i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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