that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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