You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
