Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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