Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
