he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
