Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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