i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
