is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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