just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
