Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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