you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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