Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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