weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
