i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
